Stumbling Through Poetics

Trying to define what is indefinable. Giving a voice to my own confusion and in doing so finding that something has been created. Something that was not intentionally crafted but floated to the surface of a dirty pond. The fight, that in its struggle and chaos becomes a new dance. Rough and lacking grace but perhaps more exciting than its fellow that was choreographed using ‘artistic genius’ and predetermined steps.
Through the reaction we have to the world around us some of us are desperately searching to explain, explore and understand. Nothing is wrong but perhaps when we use the right rules for the right game this only reveals more of what we already think we know. On 6, roll again, the high score wins the hand. With every step we follow the line of production until we personally understand. We can dance in the rain and sing the morals of the highlands to our ancestors and they will look on and laugh in the knowledge that they ’did it all before’. Perhaps if we question these rules or put the wrong ones over the wrong game, something more illuminating will appear. Something frightening? Something new?

Repunzel's Trial

To execute me might be too extreme. I believe in my own survival this time. Innocence is a matter of opinion but a happy ending would fit this tale best. It would give us all some resolution, or maybe not? A break from convention might be more refreshing eh?


So, I invite you to walk back with me through events, before you serve a final sentence. I am bias of course. If I denied that, you would have the right to call me ignorant or a liar from the start. Even the colour of the sky will be different through your eyes or mine.


I apologise, I’m sidetracked already. I was going to relate to you the events that took place leading to my current situation. Pale flesh distorted against a cold wall, a fragile beast in my nudity. They brought me here because they are scared. They think that’s it’s my fault that ’prince charming’ fell from the tower… which it is actually. What confuses them is that they know I didn’t touch him.


I have a secret.

I can still escape from here.


He was so disgustingly charming you see. Spinning lines over me with his silk tongue. He never spoke any truths and I don’t like promises, they only hurt later.


I think we need to go back a bit further actually.

I have a secret.


She taught me. Long, long hours of looking inward. It wasn’t easy, stumbling and retching in my first girly attempts at something I didn’t understand at all. But I had to find a way out of that loneliness. She new that. That’s why she left me there. As the curves of my body formed, so did the curves of my mind. I saw my power and I understood my purpose. I’m here to show the princes of our world that they’re going to have to start doing a bit more. A simple hero is just too simple these days. And as the heroine of this story I’m under a little pressure. I have a nasty feeling that the ‘happy ending’ is out of fashion and that doesn’t bode well for my future!


I have a secret.

I think I’m ready to tell you now.


These walls can’t hold me. I can climb outside myself and enter through your eyes. I can put thoughts in your head to make you blush or scream, I can push words from your lips, I can drive you like a bulldozer leaving a trail of rubble in your wake and most importantly (for this story anyway), I can make you jump out of a window five stories high….


That was how he ‘fell’. He isn’t dead, that would ruin the objective. His eyes no longer see the objects in our world, that’s all. What I want you to understand is that I am only trying to free him from his stereotype. She liberated me when she lifted me from my mother’s clenched arms and I, in turn, will liberate him. He had to brake first. When you catch them so late there’s no other way. In his blindness he will learn to really see. Not auburn curls and seamless skin but more important things. The route of blood to the heart, the silent passage of an owl will become as clear as the roar of Niagara. His senses will awake and hopefully, (for if I am wrong then I am hung) they will lead him to me.


So I have given you the facts. You know why we’re here and all that’s left to do is wait and see. In the happy version of this tale, as they hang the rope around my neck and the masses shift as one in rumbling anticipation of the kill, my prince will step forward from the crowd, a rich man in his rags of wisdom and with a word I will be saved.


But in another version of events, the prince stumbles on through bitter streets and we are both lost in the misery of darkness, joined and clinging to existence by a single hair he plucked from my head. I will stand to face my fate and silently, twitch my way on, into the unknown.


So at this point I am going to hand it back to you and let you make your judgment. I have no secrets now. I have revealed myself to you and my fate lies hidden in your mind. Only you can know.

It’s your secret now.

The Do "On My Shoulders"

The Mystery of Time

Learning to understand time has become a fascination of mine. I have been living in a sleepy little village in the South of France for the last two months and it's been a bit like hitting the slow motion button on life. As the days passed, there was more and more time for me to indulge my mind and allow the thoughts and events from the past three years that have flashed by, to slowly unravel themselves bringing up all sorts of new emotions. At first I was petrified of the amount of time I had to simply spend with myself but as I fell into my routines of cooking, reading, writing and listening to music I realised I was very lucky to spend time slowing down and just reflecting. It is good to have the chance to face things that you have buried in your mind, it feels a bit like filing my papers and now I've managed to do it I feel stronger and ready to start making a whole new mess again!

Cooking being one of my main activities here, I have been trying various new things and one of my favorite and simplest things in the world at the moment is cooking fish in Papillote. For anyone who has not tried this method of steaming fish - get to it. Here are the instructions, you can use pretty much any fish you fancy and it doesn't matter if it's whole or fillets, just fresh....

• Take a big piece of tin foil and pull up the edges to make a little bowl for your fishy; pop him in.


• Cut a lemon into quarters, squeeze a quarter into each papillote and chuck the squeezed piece in with it


• Drizzle with a bit of olive oil


• Chuck in some dried herbs - any that you like really.. thyme, parsley

This is all you need to do really but you can vary it and add things like garlic, ginger, chili with limes instead of lemon or put some vegetables in with it..

• Then just close up the papillotes securely and pop them into a pre-boiling steamer


• Depending on the size of the fish it'll probably take about 10/15 mins

Bon Appetite...!